Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
