Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
