you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
