whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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