I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize