I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
