Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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