You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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