I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
