just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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