There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
