Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
