Duck Duck Cougar?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
