I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
