Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize