how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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