Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
