Who wears a wallet chain?!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
