I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize