I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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