It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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