Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
