in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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