have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think im going to throw up on grandma
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
