By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
