You can't motorboat a personality
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
