matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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