My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
