I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
