LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
