I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize