I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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