I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think im going to throw up on grandma
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
