remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
