This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
