Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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