I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
