i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
