four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
