if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
