what day is it and did you see me today?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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