There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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