life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
