One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
