The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
