Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I will die if light touches me.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize