thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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