I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
