3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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