So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
