Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
