So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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