Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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