I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
