new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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