dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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