Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
