Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
