i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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