she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
