she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just googled if crying burns calories
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
