it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
