I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
